Sunburns and Suntans

So, for those of you who do not know, gingers do not tan. Those of us that do are liars and are only darker because their freckles have multiplied to the point of anarchy. Moving to a place such as Hawaii means I will be spending quite a bit of time outdoors, placing me in the path of my natural enemy...the Sun. So, like any other ginger, I must wear sunscreen. Easy fix, right?

Yeah. Not so much.

I have been researching sunscreen and skin protection in wake of my upcoming move, and I realized that I have been lied to! Not really, but I have been following a lot of untrue rules when it comes to avoiding the ball of fire in the sky. Several articles have educated me, but this one summed up everything best:

The New Rules For Sunscreen!

First off, I totally always bought the highest SPF I could find. When I went to Valdosta for a summer program, I brought several 110SPF spray-bottles. And yes, I did still burn. I believed the lie that I could stay out longer! I will say though, it worked to keep bugs away.

This meme lies. I hate sunscreen. It sinks.

I was always jealous of the other kids who went out to tan and never wore sunscreen. I also always glared at those poor creatures who complained about how white they are. Seriously? You poor thing. Your skin isn't tanned? Go cry in a corner and then go outside to catch a bit of skin cancer. To be clear, I was never ever never jealous of their orange skin, but the fact that they did not have to glue themselves to the sides of buildings in order to avoid CancerGiver in the sky.

When did orange skin even become "beautiful" to point where we risk our health for it?

Many of us already know this, but before the 1920's, pale skin was a must for centuries. Tanned skin was a sign of workers in the field and, seriously, what dignified lady wants to look like a fieldhand? Women went so far as to use lead make-up to avoid the BurningBall's terrible rays. Those women also suffered early deaths from lead poisoning.

And then this lady here:

Miss Coco Chanel went on vacation. Legend says that she suffered from an accidental sunburn and when she returned to the public eye, she was sunkissed and tanned. Well then, everyone just had to go out and look like her! Because, we of course must do whatever Coco Chanel does. Around the same time however, Josephine Baker, a Paris singer with "caramel" skin was rising in popularity. These two women were able to push away centuries of pale-skin envy in western culture.

Crazy.

As the years passed, we got another gift from the French: the bikini. Only those who had the time and money to live at the beach/pool wore bikinis. These people were also the ones with the tans. So now, tans are a sign of beach fun! Enter the classic beach/surfer movie! Now everyone must have tans, because, that's what the movie stars have!

Today, apparently, we tan because pale skin is sickly. Also, we want to look like we just came back from the beach, even in the dead of winter. And celebrities. Celebrities are tan, therefore, we must be too. I think this is ridiculous. What sort of reason is that to do anything? Why are we risking cancer and the removal of our skin for the sake of darker skin? What is that going to do for you in life? The closest I have ever gotten to a tan is second-degree burns. Twice.

Ugh. Look at me, getting worked up over this. Tanning reminds me of smoking. But the harm from tanning is much more visible and immediately painful. Both lead to cancer. Both exist only for the sake of vanity. Both will cause our future selves to travel back in time and scold our younger selves. Ugh.

Well then, allow me to calm myself.

So guess what. In China, people wear ski masks at the beach to keep their skin pale.

Asia will laugh at us when we all get skin cancer. And die.