So, for the past two weeks, I have been preparing an audition for a theatre here that is doing Rent. I may or may not have mentioned before, but I was very big on theatre in high school. I was in almost every single production since my Freshman year and yes, I quite enjoyed it. Acting is a form of storytelling and remember how I want to be an author? Acting was a perfect way for me to release those storytelling urges.
The audition was this morning, and as you can tell from this post's title, it did not go over so well. But, I will come back to that later.
So then, for the past few weeks, I have been rehearsing my audition song and learning the music to Rent. I have never really paid attention to the show before, but it has amazing music. It is incredibly original and at the perfect point where it is both difficult and fun to sing. It is a challenge, but any good show has music that pushes the performers. My last show was Aida, and since its music shares similarities with Rent, I chose I Know The Truth from the show's second act. As I was rehearsing, the song definitely became better, and even my music teacher who was assisting me said I would do great. I was not going to embarrass myself during the audition; I was on level with the others who would be there.
No, I am not bragging. I am mearly showing that I went into this audition with confidence.
So, about that...
From the second I walked up to the theatre and saw who was also auditioning, I wanted to turn around and leave. Rent is a very sensual show, especially the character Mimi. And well...every girl was dressed like Mimi. Leather and tights, that is all I will say. And that is not a bad thing! Do not misunderstand and think I am shaming them for their clothing, not at all! I am pointing out that these are kids who have sold their soul to this character. And yeah, allow me to make a few points about myself and theatre kids.
Theatre kids are loud. Theatre kids have many emotions - all worn on their sleeve - and theatre kids will sell their soul to\for their roles.
Now, I am a very introverted person. Yes, I was constantly involved in theatre in school, but I am learning more and more everyday that I come from a very quiet place. The theatre kids at my school doubled as music kids, and music children are much more serious (as in stoic) and do not carry around their emotions to hand out like greeting cards. I am not loud. I am not high-strung and I will never spill the depths of my being as these theatre children do to one another. That is just not the kind of person I am.
So I auditioned. I did not make it. I am ok with this.
Actually, looking back, I am very happy I did not make the show.
The reason I auditioned was because I miss how theatre was in school. I miss creating my characters and breathing life into the script. I miss singing and playing music and everything that I did before. Being heavily involved in music, chorus, and theatre, and then coming to school and hardly touching any of them is a difficult transition. So, this was me taking a shot at bringing a bit of my past back. It did not work. And I am glad. If I had made this show, I would be committed to a cast of huge, screaming, competitive personalities.
Murder would have been committed.
I just cannot deal with people who blatantly spill their emotions. Doing it on stage is one thing, carrying it out of the show and into the normal world is another.
After the audition, I was very disappointed in myself. No, I did not do terribly, but I have done much better. And I did not make the cut. So, on the bus ride home, I kept telling myself that it did not matter, who cares, theatre is not even my major, blah blah blah. But you know, I may have said those things emptily to pick my esteem off the nasty bus floor, but there is some truth there. And quite honestly, this applies to disappointment in anything.
First off, I should not be laying my worth in the hands of a few people. The producers and directors of this show are lovely people, however, they do not determine the quality of my voice or my acting abilities. Just because a person does not make a show does not mean that they cannot sing or are untalented. Maybe their schedule conflicted. Maybe they are just unknown to the director; they may want somebody who they have worked with before. The point is, and especially in this business, there are a thousand and one different reasons to why you may not be casted. And that is just how it works. You can be just as good as everyone else and still not get the part. Even still, this does not determine your talent or your worth as an actor. This handful of people does not determine your worth as a person. I am someone who takes rejection very hard, so this is something I learned with great difficulty. But it is something that is so true it hurts. Yay! First rejection pain and now reality pain!
My second point is that this is not my major, which means, I do not have to do this or be good at this. Yes, I love performing, but I should not take this cut as a world shattering moment. I am a language major and that is what I should be focusing on, my grades and my understanding. After all, in four years, it will not be theatre that is supporting me, but my understanding of Japanese (and hopefully English because, hopefully, I will have a book out by then. Hopefully.) I have so many things going right and so many opportunities. I would be a spoiled child if I allowed this rejection to darken my mood and ruin my beautiful three day weekend.
Some people will read this and say that I am only saying these things to make myself feel better about not being casted. Whatever then. I mean, I kind of am doing that. What should I do instead? Cry about how unfair the audition was? Come up with some crazy prejudice the directors must have had against gingers? Those seem like bad ideas. I am not a fan of bad ideas.
Now that I do not have to worry about this show, I can instead worry about the two tests I have next week, the two books I am trying to finish, and I am going to take up kendo! Super excited about that! But really, this rejection hurt. I mean, I would not have audition and put in so much work if I thought I was not going to make it. But, life goes on. Life has better things for me and I am going to choose to move on without regrets.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Thursday, October 24, 2013
お久しぶりね。。。
So yeah...long time no see! Why? Well...it is a mixture of busyness, laziness, and college. But yeah, I thought maybe I should update a bit more. Nothing is quite as depressing as a dead blog floating aimlessly on Google.
What has been happening in my life? Well, Hawaii is great! I have only been sunburned twice! I do not think the sheer beauty of that can be understood unless you also live in a place where the Sun has only been covered by rain clouds three times in the past four months.
How is Japanese? Quite nice. Now that I am more into my classes, Japanese is actually my favorite. Good thing too, I would be in a downward spiral if I learned I had chosen the wrong major.
Interestingly enough, I have actually made friends here. One must understand that I do not enjoy being social nor do I enjoy partaking in the normal college festivities known as parties. Therefor, the fact that I have found others who share my distaste of such things is amazing. The group of us are all actually similar in our anti-socialness, so of course, we are social with one another. Funny how things work out...
The bugs. Oh my gods, the bugs here.
This was outside my dorm.
No.
Another time, my roommate and I were walking at night to go print something from the library. We have amazingly awesome trees here that are perfect for climbing, however, that is frowned upon. So, since no one was around, I decided to finally climb a tree. It was super dark so I just went to the trunk and I was just all ready to start climbing, but then, I saw something moving on the branch above me. I stared for a moment and realized it was a centipede. Not just a normal centipede, but a freaking giant monster creature. It was the length of my forearm. You do not understand how quickly I ran away. I was so disturbed.
The main problem however are the cockroaches. I think we have removed ten or so from our room alone. I have removed more from the hallway and once I opened the trash chute and found a horde. They are not here because we are messy and dirty - even though our room is quite messy in itself - so please do not assume the building is filthy; these bugs just happen to be everywhere! I have mastered the art of catching and flushing said creatures. However, if a centipede is ever discovered in our room...things will be bad.
Hmmm, what else to talk about...
Well, I was in Waikiki one day and a group of Japanese tourist asked to take a picture with me. Apparently, they really liked my hair.
What has been happening in my life? Well, Hawaii is great! I have only been sunburned twice! I do not think the sheer beauty of that can be understood unless you also live in a place where the Sun has only been covered by rain clouds three times in the past four months.
How is Japanese? Quite nice. Now that I am more into my classes, Japanese is actually my favorite. Good thing too, I would be in a downward spiral if I learned I had chosen the wrong major.
Interestingly enough, I have actually made friends here. One must understand that I do not enjoy being social nor do I enjoy partaking in the normal college festivities known as parties. Therefor, the fact that I have found others who share my distaste of such things is amazing. The group of us are all actually similar in our anti-socialness, so of course, we are social with one another. Funny how things work out...
The bugs. Oh my gods, the bugs here.
This was outside my dorm.
No.
Another time, my roommate and I were walking at night to go print something from the library. We have amazingly awesome trees here that are perfect for climbing, however, that is frowned upon. So, since no one was around, I decided to finally climb a tree. It was super dark so I just went to the trunk and I was just all ready to start climbing, but then, I saw something moving on the branch above me. I stared for a moment and realized it was a centipede. Not just a normal centipede, but a freaking giant monster creature. It was the length of my forearm. You do not understand how quickly I ran away. I was so disturbed.
The main problem however are the cockroaches. I think we have removed ten or so from our room alone. I have removed more from the hallway and once I opened the trash chute and found a horde. They are not here because we are messy and dirty - even though our room is quite messy in itself - so please do not assume the building is filthy; these bugs just happen to be everywhere! I have mastered the art of catching and flushing said creatures. However, if a centipede is ever discovered in our room...things will be bad.
Hmmm, what else to talk about...
Well, I was in Waikiki one day and a group of Japanese tourist asked to take a picture with me. Apparently, they really liked my hair.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Three-Inch Golden Lotus
So, since I am currently in a Summer course, that means all of the work of a normal class is condensed into a 6-week session. This being said, I have to read a novel practically every week for my Women's Studies class. This week, it was a book called "The Three-Inch Golden Lotus," and it was all about foot-binding in China.
This book is written in a way that neither supports or opposes the practice. Honestly though, it was a bit graphic. It was very detailed about how young girls, aged 5 or 6, have their feet wrapped, their toes pulled under and the front of the foot pulled back towards the heel. I googled foot binding and the images freaked me out a bit.
So then, this is a natural foot compared to a shoe meant to be wore by a bound foot. Ladies wanted the ideal three-inch golden lotus, as bound feet were called, and continued to pull and re-bind their feet for most of their lives. Actually, I should not say that ladies wanted their feet to be this way. They had no say in the matter. The liking, or more accurately, the fetish for small feet was a man's problem. So, of course, women had to conform to fit this odd view of beauty. Woo. Go women.
I have to say, I do not understand how they handled the process. At such a young age, the foot was broken and the children had to learn to walk and continued with their normal lives while their bones were being re-shaped. I could not handle it. I would be the runaway who unbound their feet at night and joined a traveling circus.
The origin of binding feet is not completely known but most agree that it was passed down from court dancers with tiny feet. Rich men liked the look and of course pushed their wives to follow the trend. The practice fell into the lower classes, as they wanted to be like the wealthy above them. Field workers however, and other women who needed to work to survive, did not bind their feet; it made it impossible for them to make a living.
So, as this small foot fetish blazed across China, it become a standard for women in order to marry. In lower class families, the eldest daughter was the only one to have her feet bound in the hopes she would marry into a higher class. Her poor, younger sisters would have terrible natural feet and marry laborers. Or become mistresses. Apparently, that was reserved for the big-footed women. The idea behind marrying a women with three-inch feet was that she would not be able to work, therefore the husband would be super testosterone man and be the only provider for the family. She would be a literal trophy wife.
And then, the westerners invaded.
Yeah, they did not look like that. I just happen to find this picture quite humorous.
These ideas began seeping into the Chinese culture first through Christianity. A very liberal group of Christian ladies thought the end of foot binding could lead to more equality between the sexes. More educated Chinese individuals - probably men, since women were generally kept out of higher education - thought that the practice reflected badly on the country when they sat on the same world stage as other nations. Some thought that the practice should be abolished because supposedly women with bound feet gave birth to sons with bad feet. Because, as everyone clearly knows, the man-made small feet magically became genetic. I could see this argument hold up better if we assume the women were sickly from infections or limitations that come with the process. My favorite were the ones who did not like foot binding because it hurt women. Yeah, that one is best. Hm, this is harming people and it serves no useful purpose? Yeah, I like that argument the best by far.
Many people are absolutely horrified when they first learn about this practice. I am in no way agreeing with foot binding, but I find it a bit ironic considering what we are used to hearing from other cultures. Take the corset for example. The only purpose it served was to please men - it certainly did not help help the women that broke their ribs from the practice - and was mandatory for years. Even today, tanning is another form of alteration that society sees as beautiful when it is in fact very very harmful.
So there you go! A piece of Chinese history to spice up your day. This practice is not recommended. Nor is wearing corsets, or tanning.
This book is written in a way that neither supports or opposes the practice. Honestly though, it was a bit graphic. It was very detailed about how young girls, aged 5 or 6, have their feet wrapped, their toes pulled under and the front of the foot pulled back towards the heel. I googled foot binding and the images freaked me out a bit.
So then, this is a natural foot compared to a shoe meant to be wore by a bound foot. Ladies wanted the ideal three-inch golden lotus, as bound feet were called, and continued to pull and re-bind their feet for most of their lives. Actually, I should not say that ladies wanted their feet to be this way. They had no say in the matter. The liking, or more accurately, the fetish for small feet was a man's problem. So, of course, women had to conform to fit this odd view of beauty. Woo. Go women.
I have to say, I do not understand how they handled the process. At such a young age, the foot was broken and the children had to learn to walk and continued with their normal lives while their bones were being re-shaped. I could not handle it. I would be the runaway who unbound their feet at night and joined a traveling circus.
The origin of binding feet is not completely known but most agree that it was passed down from court dancers with tiny feet. Rich men liked the look and of course pushed their wives to follow the trend. The practice fell into the lower classes, as they wanted to be like the wealthy above them. Field workers however, and other women who needed to work to survive, did not bind their feet; it made it impossible for them to make a living.
So, as this small foot fetish blazed across China, it become a standard for women in order to marry. In lower class families, the eldest daughter was the only one to have her feet bound in the hopes she would marry into a higher class. Her poor, younger sisters would have terrible natural feet and marry laborers. Or become mistresses. Apparently, that was reserved for the big-footed women. The idea behind marrying a women with three-inch feet was that she would not be able to work, therefore the husband would be super testosterone man and be the only provider for the family. She would be a literal trophy wife.
And then, the westerners invaded.
Yeah, they did not look like that. I just happen to find this picture quite humorous.
These ideas began seeping into the Chinese culture first through Christianity. A very liberal group of Christian ladies thought the end of foot binding could lead to more equality between the sexes. More educated Chinese individuals - probably men, since women were generally kept out of higher education - thought that the practice reflected badly on the country when they sat on the same world stage as other nations. Some thought that the practice should be abolished because supposedly women with bound feet gave birth to sons with bad feet. Because, as everyone clearly knows, the man-made small feet magically became genetic. I could see this argument hold up better if we assume the women were sickly from infections or limitations that come with the process. My favorite were the ones who did not like foot binding because it hurt women. Yeah, that one is best. Hm, this is harming people and it serves no useful purpose? Yeah, I like that argument the best by far.
Many people are absolutely horrified when they first learn about this practice. I am in no way agreeing with foot binding, but I find it a bit ironic considering what we are used to hearing from other cultures. Take the corset for example. The only purpose it served was to please men - it certainly did not help help the women that broke their ribs from the practice - and was mandatory for years. Even today, tanning is another form of alteration that society sees as beautiful when it is in fact very very harmful.
So there you go! A piece of Chinese history to spice up your day. This practice is not recommended. Nor is wearing corsets, or tanning.
Friday, July 12, 2013
Swimming With A Face Mask
So, a while back, I posted a picture of women on a beach in China wearing face masks to shield themselves from the Sun. Seeing many people here in Honolulu using Sun umbrellas made me think more about this. Not that I think Americans would ever start wearing these - we like our skin cancer too much - but I wondered if one might see these cropping up on Hawaii beaches. Hm...but for now, a bit about these things:
Also known as a face-kini, these are typically worn with a fabulous matching swim suit. It's basically a ski mask, but in beach form. The closest thing I can think of in America to this is a rash guard, shirts made to cover the skin and protect from the Sun while swimming. Sad thing though, one still has to put on sunscreen under the rash guard.
These swimming masks are most popular in the touristy town of Qingdao and were invented only seven years ago. They go for only about $3. A save considering sunscreen is much higher. I am sure sunscreen is still worn under, like a rash guard; you cannot be too careful.
Why do these even exist? I want to say it is because the Chinese have common sense and know that the Sun is bad for skin, but alas, it is for vanity. As in many cultures, pale skin is considered beautiful, as tan skin is a sign of those who must work in fields for a living. Gross, field work. Since the face is the part of the body most commonly seen, it makes sense for that to be the palest part of the body.
And, if you forget your face-kini at home, there is always skin bleach.
Also known as a face-kini, these are typically worn with a fabulous matching swim suit. It's basically a ski mask, but in beach form. The closest thing I can think of in America to this is a rash guard, shirts made to cover the skin and protect from the Sun while swimming. Sad thing though, one still has to put on sunscreen under the rash guard.
These swimming masks are most popular in the touristy town of Qingdao and were invented only seven years ago. They go for only about $3. A save considering sunscreen is much higher. I am sure sunscreen is still worn under, like a rash guard; you cannot be too careful.
Why do these even exist? I want to say it is because the Chinese have common sense and know that the Sun is bad for skin, but alas, it is for vanity. As in many cultures, pale skin is considered beautiful, as tan skin is a sign of those who must work in fields for a living. Gross, field work. Since the face is the part of the body most commonly seen, it makes sense for that to be the palest part of the body.
And, if you forget your face-kini at home, there is always skin bleach.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Weird Creatures...
So, I was walking around campus and I keep finding these odd creatures painted on the walls...
I have no idea what they are or where they come from. I found nothing on google images that matched them. So, if anyone sees anything similar to these oddities, let me know!
I have no idea what they are or where they come from. I found nothing on google images that matched them. So, if anyone sees anything similar to these oddities, let me know!
Monday, July 8, 2013
Things I Have Noticed...
So, I have been in the state of Hawai'i for a few days now and have already noticed a few very new, very unexpected things.
Umbrellas
This is more so in Waikiki and the tourist areas, but there are quite a bit of people who walk around with umbrellas to keep the sun off them. I actually thought it was a good idea, but seriously though, a thin piece of fabric stretched over tines is not going to keep the Sun's cancer rays from reaching you. I still have to roll in sunscreen before venturing near windows.
These umbrellas are easily distinguished from rain umbrellas. These sun-umbrellas look much nicer and are generally made from lace and pretty fabrics. They look quite nice, very elegant. Typically, I have seen Asian women with these and I suppose that comes from a culture where pale skin is beautiful before dark and tanned skin. I like that way of thinking. I stick out terribly with my albino-ness next to all these tanned people.
Bikes and Walking
So, an amazing thing happened today. I went out for lunch with my mother and came back with a brand new mountain bike. Woop! I was not expecting one until christmas.
So, I have been told by every student I have spoken with that you can walk anywhere you need to go. Many even walk all the way to Waikiki and to the beach. That is about 2.5 miles and through heavy heavy traffic. I supposed that is just surprising since I am used to each individual having their own car. Also, bikers are an annoyance in Gainesville; it is their job to move out of the car's way. It is nice to have the right-of-way here.
When it starts to rain, I am sure it will be hell trying to get to class.
Cats
Cats are everywhere. Everywhere.
These stray creatures just wander around, sleeping under parked cars and hanging with pigeons. They travel in herds and do not like people. Well, unless you throw food at them. Then they will become your best friends.
Birds
The birds here are fearless.
When I was still in a hotel, this bird just flew right in and made itself at home. Actually, there was another, but I could not get both in the same picture. The birds just hoped around for a while, in my hotel room, enjoying the carpet. And then, when they felt like it, they flew away.
The larger pigeons will not move for you. I almost ran over several on my bike because they would not move out of the way. I had to move! Since when do birds just stand still? I could probably catch one easily! And then be attacked by its pigeon friends. It would be like messing with the Cuccos in Zelda. We laugh one minute and drown beneath feathers the next.
And yeah, those are the stand-out odd things so far.
Oh, I found this on a dumpster.
It is odd also...
Umbrellas
This is more so in Waikiki and the tourist areas, but there are quite a bit of people who walk around with umbrellas to keep the sun off them. I actually thought it was a good idea, but seriously though, a thin piece of fabric stretched over tines is not going to keep the Sun's cancer rays from reaching you. I still have to roll in sunscreen before venturing near windows.
These umbrellas are easily distinguished from rain umbrellas. These sun-umbrellas look much nicer and are generally made from lace and pretty fabrics. They look quite nice, very elegant. Typically, I have seen Asian women with these and I suppose that comes from a culture where pale skin is beautiful before dark and tanned skin. I like that way of thinking. I stick out terribly with my albino-ness next to all these tanned people.
Bikes and Walking
So, an amazing thing happened today. I went out for lunch with my mother and came back with a brand new mountain bike. Woop! I was not expecting one until christmas.
So, I have been told by every student I have spoken with that you can walk anywhere you need to go. Many even walk all the way to Waikiki and to the beach. That is about 2.5 miles and through heavy heavy traffic. I supposed that is just surprising since I am used to each individual having their own car. Also, bikers are an annoyance in Gainesville; it is their job to move out of the car's way. It is nice to have the right-of-way here.
When it starts to rain, I am sure it will be hell trying to get to class.
Cats
Cats are everywhere. Everywhere.
These stray creatures just wander around, sleeping under parked cars and hanging with pigeons. They travel in herds and do not like people. Well, unless you throw food at them. Then they will become your best friends.
Birds
The birds here are fearless.
When I was still in a hotel, this bird just flew right in and made itself at home. Actually, there was another, but I could not get both in the same picture. The birds just hoped around for a while, in my hotel room, enjoying the carpet. And then, when they felt like it, they flew away.
The larger pigeons will not move for you. I almost ran over several on my bike because they would not move out of the way. I had to move! Since when do birds just stand still? I could probably catch one easily! And then be attacked by its pigeon friends. It would be like messing with the Cuccos in Zelda. We laugh one minute and drown beneath feathers the next.
And yeah, those are the stand-out odd things so far.
Oh, I found this on a dumpster.
It is odd also...
Sunday, July 7, 2013
In Hawai'i
So, it has been a while, but only because I have been super busy. In the past week, I have said goodbye to my friends, packed up my room, and have flown a quarter of the way around the world to Hawai'i.
I have discovered that I do not enjoy flying. It does not have to do with the fact that I watched Flight before leaving or with the Asiana plane that recently crashed. I already had a fear of driving so being in an airplane made things about ten times worse. Every time we hit a bit of turbulence, I braced myself for impact. The people next to me probably thought I was psychotic.
Once we landed in O'ahu, I fell in love. People are not joking when they say Hawai'i is beautiful. It just feels alive. Everything is green and the air is clean and light. It is a 180 from the forests I am used to seeing everyday.
Alrightly, that's my cheesy paragraph about this place. I will not make a habit of it.
I will say, I knew I picked the right place to go to college before I even left the airport. All of the signs were printed in English and again in Japanese.
Today I moved in to a small, but very nice, apartment for my two summer classes. When Fall begins, I will be shoved with other Freshman into community halls with shared bathrooms. Serious downgrade. I feel incredibly young. I am an incoming Freshmen and my roommates are all in their 20's. One is from Japan. I can hear her speaking on the phone right now. I think she's talking about me. It was something about her first day and hiragana; we talked about reading hiragana earlier. I am happy that I can actually understand her accent when she speaks Japanese. There are some people who speak it down here and I have no idea what they are trying to tell me.
Oh well. More to learn!
I am so tired. I apologize in advance if none of this makes sense. I am six hours ahead of the normal time here. Back in Georgia, I would have be asleep. Very much sleep. Sound asleep. Dead to the world.
Help me.
Goodnight.
I have discovered that I do not enjoy flying. It does not have to do with the fact that I watched Flight before leaving or with the Asiana plane that recently crashed. I already had a fear of driving so being in an airplane made things about ten times worse. Every time we hit a bit of turbulence, I braced myself for impact. The people next to me probably thought I was psychotic.
Once we landed in O'ahu, I fell in love. People are not joking when they say Hawai'i is beautiful. It just feels alive. Everything is green and the air is clean and light. It is a 180 from the forests I am used to seeing everyday.
Alrightly, that's my cheesy paragraph about this place. I will not make a habit of it.
I will say, I knew I picked the right place to go to college before I even left the airport. All of the signs were printed in English and again in Japanese.
Today I moved in to a small, but very nice, apartment for my two summer classes. When Fall begins, I will be shoved with other Freshman into community halls with shared bathrooms. Serious downgrade. I feel incredibly young. I am an incoming Freshmen and my roommates are all in their 20's. One is from Japan. I can hear her speaking on the phone right now. I think she's talking about me. It was something about her first day and hiragana; we talked about reading hiragana earlier. I am happy that I can actually understand her accent when she speaks Japanese. There are some people who speak it down here and I have no idea what they are trying to tell me.
Oh well. More to learn!
I am so tired. I apologize in advance if none of this makes sense. I am six hours ahead of the normal time here. Back in Georgia, I would have be asleep. Very much sleep. Sound asleep. Dead to the world.
Help me.
Goodnight.
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